An Interview With Damona Hoffman

First Phase – This phase is where the magic happens, where the sparks are made.  One must be attractive and be willing to pursue that which attracts them.  During this phase the focus should really be getting know the object of your erection… I mean affection, kids.  Sorry bout that one. =) Second Phase – In this phase, if you made it this far, it’s assumed that you’ve been given the green light to feel around, perhaps kiss, perhaps very passionately.  No, you haven’t had sex just yet… It’s coming… Like you eventually, unless you pull a “Will Parker.”  He’s a guy I went to school with that apparently had an unfortunate early onset of erectile dysfunction.  No Cialis back then, kiddies… For shame. Third Phase – At this point it’s expected that some sexing up has been going on; intimacy, heavy petting, sex, whatever you wanna call it; it’s going down in more ways than one. I’m going to stop at three phases.  I’m not a micro-phased person. I like summaries and Cliff Notes.  Give me what I need to know and work out it legible and with large pictures of scantily clad/non-clad women. What are you Order of Operations, guys?  Leave a comment!

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Tips & Advice Tagged in: Dating, Sex I don’t know anyone who thinks dating or relationships are easy. It can be a challenge to find the right person to devote your time and energy to, but what if you are also in recovery? I’ve been sober for three years and have heard from many people how hard it can be to form a healthy relationship or to even find someone to go on a date with when you are in AA or have struggled with drug or alcohol addiction.ashleymadison reviews I’ve spoken with people who feel uncomfortable dating someone who isn’t in sobriety, which makes the list of possible dates much shorter. I know many people who don’t mind dating a “normy” ( someone who isn’t an addict or alcoholic) but don’t feel comfortable meeting people in bars. Every person and situation is different, but it still makes it more complicated, and lets face it – dating is already complicated. First things first Most treatment facilities and 12 step groups recommend not starting any new relationships or making any major life changes in your first year of sobriety. When you’re used to using drugs or alcohol as a tool to get through day to day life, you need to learn to cope with your own feelings and learn about yourself again before you is healthy partner to anyone. In my first few months of sobriety I felt raw and exposed just leaving my house. It can be difficult to feel vulnerable, and, in that first year of sobriety, that’s exactly what you are. You need to begin to experience your own feelings without the numbing affects of drugs and alcohol before you can learn to be sensitive to another person’s feelings.

I learned a lot about myself in that first year and I’m thankful I had that time to grow as a person. You’re ready, now what? Ask yourself a couple questions: Is it important to me that I date someone else in recovery? If not, when do you tell them you’re sober? There’s obviously a lot more to finding a date and a relationship, but those are two big factors for people in sobriety. My husband is not in sobriety, but he is very supportive and respectful of mine. Some of my sober friends only feel comfortable dating others in sobriety, feeling they can understand each other better. Whichever way it works for you is fine, just make sure you ask yourself seriously what your comfort level is and let your date/partner know as well. Where are all the good ones? This is the tricky part. There are so many choices today for dating. In person, social media, dating websites, etc.

If you want to date others in sobriety, clearly meeting someone at an AA meeting, whether it be an online AA meeting or a face to face meeting, you know you’re talking to others who are in the exact same boat as you. I don’t recommend going to a meeting just to find a date, but if you meet someone there who is single and ready to date, why not? I’ve known a few couples who met at a meeting or had mutual friends in sobriety. a good friend of mine with 6 years of sobriety just married a man she met at an AA meeting. You’d also be surprised what great match makers AA’ers make. I live in the Minneapolis/St Paul area, which has a huge sober community. If your friends find out your single and looking, believe me, they will be trying to set you up. For those that are OK dating a “normy”, you have many options.

Dating Myth: You’ll Find Love When You Stop Looking

I would hesitate trying to meet anyone at a bar. I don’t think it’s a great place to find love for anyone, but if you’ve struggled with addiction in the past you’re just asking for trouble. If you do begin dating someone and you begin to wonder – “When should I tell him?” – just remember, there’s no deadline. Don’t force the subject into conversation.

If it comes up naturally and it feels right, then tell the person. The majority of people are going to applaud you for your honesty and openness, if anyone doesn’t do that or if they make you feel uncomfortable about your sobriety, RUN. It sound dramatic, but if someone judges you harshly about something that’s important to you, then its not going to end well anyway. Remember… Love will always happen when you least expect it. Always treat yourself with and others will do the exact same. “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring” Oscar Wilde Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating I wrote this back in December 2015. I never bothered to publish it until today. When we find a good thing we want it; when we meet someone with whom we have chemistry, we want to explore it further. Ultimately, when it comes to the good things in life we want more of it, whatever it is—we ultimately want to control it, whether or not we’re aware of it. Is that desire just human nature? I don’t know; I have no answers… The tighter you try and hold on to something you are afraid of losing, the more you are pushing it away.

Thoughts that you don’t want to lose something are filled with fear, of course you continue with those thoughts, what you #fear the most will come upon you. Fear nothing – just think about what you want. It feels so much better! — Rhonda Byrne Sometimes we’re called on to make a decision. The decision is based on a relatively simple question: Are you willing to be vulnerable and put yourself out there? The ways we make ourselves vulnerable are numerous. One such way is simply telling someone that you love them only to have them not say it back to you… ever. Another way to make yourself vulnerable is simply standing pat in a situation your gut tells you is wrong. But is that just vulnerability or stupidity?

Who knows. When your gut speaks, listen. When it’s not right, ask why. When you think it’s time to walk away it is and you gotta go and do the hard thing. Walk.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: breakups Destined for Love. Two egos meant for one another. Creepeh!

You don’t know what you don’t know. “Truer words…” is a phrase Mr. Jackie Summers likes to utter from time to time, whenever time is right. So there I was, my buddy Alfonso and I. It was a cool and crisp November evening, also known as “just right.” The giant pot of Pho ( a type of beef noodle soup) had instantly fogged up my glasses, once it hit the table. The smell of slowly cooked beef-stock, mint and basil hit me in the face like Emily Vanderhoover, after I checked to see she was a man or not… Learned a nifty trick from Crocodile Dundee, you see… Yeah, bad idea. Back to the story… The steamy goodness before Alfonso and I was slightly offset by the slightly dampened look he was giving. “What’s up, man?” I poked. He looked to the left and to the right and clasped his hands together and said “Man, Alex… I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t give a fuck about sex anymore. I just don’t care, bro.” I could only imagine the contorted look on my face in response to this obvious rubbish. Alfonso, reaches down to his pocket and digs around, much like you would if you had an itchy fire-crotch. He pulls out his monstrous phone (not a euphemism), a Droid X. He starts swiping around, to the sound of various clicks and taps. He reveals a very topless woman. “Not bad,” I said approvingly. Alfonso nods and says, “But, bro, I just don’t give a shit. I just… I just fucking don’t.” He pauses. I could only think to myself “ What the fuck is this guy on? Near as I could tell he had a pair of titties in his face not more than a few hours before the giant bowl of Pho assumed the role of nekked bitties.

Public Service Announcement: Ladies, if you’ve ever had a guy take a naked photo of you, or have sent one out to a guy, he’s shared it with his friends. Period. Oh and thanks! “Alfonso, what’s going on man? Really. Tell me,” I flat-out demanded. “Alex, man, I just don’t care about these women. I’m never going to get married or have kids.” I shot the guy an “Are you fuckin’ serious, right now?” sort of look… “Alfonso… Do you even want to get married?” Alfonso confidently nodded in affirmation.

3 Beliefs That Are Keeping You Single

I looked Alfonso up and down… I was putting on my CSI: Miami Caruso eye-wear and I was going to get to the bottom of this. Something was/was not amiss and I needed to find an appropriate cheese-filled phrase… It was pretty obvious to me, by this point, what his issue was. Sure, he said he wanted to get married, but all the pieces weren’t lining up… So I asked him “Alfonso… if you had an opportunity to buy some sort of upgrade for your car or take a girl out for dinner with the strong possibility of ending up at your place, which would you choose?” He didn’t have to answer, he paused and that was telling enough. I said, “Look, man, it’s pretty obvious what’s going on here. You’re still selfish, you’re still hung up on taking care of yourself and thinking about other stuff unrelated to getting laid and spending time with women (which until that point seemed like a ludicrous thought. Sex rocks!).” Alfonso ran his fingers through his hair, slurped down a couple bites of his soup and replied, “Bro… Maybe you’re right.

I keep on trying to make things work, I keep going out with women, pretty ones, interesting and smart ones and I just… I just can’t get into it. I don’t care.” It was pretty clear he was doubting himself, but more than anything he was confused and being needlessly hard on himself. I assured him he just wasn’t ready to get into a relationship and apparently a bit too selfish to really enjoy random sex with strange women.https://topadultreview.com/ We continued to take down our respective bowls of Pho that night (btw, it’s pretty awesome that Little Saigon shops and eateries stay open so damn late) and with Alfonso’s renewed perspective a weight was in fact lifted off of his chest. Satisfied, having met the bottom of his bowl of soup and reaching a conclusion, he sat back and said, with his very slight stutter, jumbled “Alex, man, you’re right. I am too selfish and I’m letting that get to me. I’m just not ready to be unselfish. I’m just going to finish and get the hell out of there…” Not quite the reaction I was hoping to inspire, but he did seem in better spirits after that… Now he’s armed with knowledge and a “race to the finish line” mentality… Lock away your vagina, kids.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides Tagged in: selfishness A couple who does not experience relationship problems is hard to come by. It is very rare that a couple’s relationship is smooth sailing and worry-free. Everyone else wants and dreams of a perfect relationship. But, couples are aware that both parties have shortcomings and have different characteristics in personality and attitudes. Why do couples fight? What are the arguments all about? Relationships that grow beyond years of difficulties and complications are relationships conditioned by time and are incomparable. Value relationships just like how you value your money or, you know, like something you actually CARE about! While it may seem hard to comprehend, relationships are tested and judged under the scrutinizing eyes of people around you. Surely, a relationship has its share of ups and downs, but it is up to you to stand strong and fight.

What are the most common relationship problems dealt by couples and partners? Here’s a list on relationship problems faced by couples today and their solutions: Communication is one relationship problems that is being taken lightly. The solution? Simply communicate regularly with your partner at anywhere, anytime. Money is the root of all evil, as they say, and it is true. Money can be a factor for couples to go on their separate ways.  Avoid such ordeal by being honest. After all, honesty is still the best policy. Sex and sexual desires is a common ordeal in couples. Some couples are not compatible sexually, that is why infidelity and adultery is a major problem most couples face. A partner should really be faithful and loyal to his or her better half. Respect in one another is crucial for the relationship to last a lifetime. Division of home chores is also problem among couples.

If couples are both working, the tendency is that they do not have the full time to do the chores assigned to them, and that is the start of a fight. The solution is easy: be organized and distribute the chores equally. Neglecting each other is also problem couple’s face. Give time to each other; make your relationship a priority among others. Conflict between couples is part of every couple’s lives. Nobody is to be blamed but the couple alone when relationships almost fail. Conflicts arise because of differences in personality. But before it goes on the verge of separation, work out on your differences. One’s weakness may be the strength of the other. Bank on that, in place of fighting, let go of your pride and embrace the beauty of being together. Trust is also one common problem among couples. It is essential that you fully trust your partner.

If there are issues about trust and honesty, point it out to your partner and work it out. You can only solve such issues if you are considerate, respectful and mindful of the things around you. No overreacting needed as it may just flare up the problem. Jealousy is healthy in some relationships, but for most relationships, this is a major problem. So to avoid such problem, do not lie to your partner. Do not assume and conclude easily. Be a good listener. And most of all be sensitive of your partner’s feelings. Relationships are worth fighting for especially if couples are madly in love with each other. Whatever the problem, be sure to talk it out with your partner. And most importantly seek help from those people who have experienced and survived the stages of a relationship crisis. Jasmine is a freelance writer who’s written many articles on relationship problems. She writes on behalf of GetHim2Day. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Tips & Advice Tagged in: how to solve relationship problem, relationship, relationship problem Movie dates are still a good way to spend time with your special someone even with the technology we have today. Watching movies at home on your flat screen or on your laptop may not have the same appeal as going out to the movies. The nostalgic ambiance of the theater brings about romance and fun to a typical date night. For a successful movie date, here are some how to prepare for it. Know her preferences. Ask ahead about the movies she like and if there is a particular theme she hates. Ask as well if she has a specific movie in mind. If it’s up to you to decide, pick out the movies with a lighter theme, like comedy or action. Avoid movies that are too sentimental or too deep as you want to have a casual experience, particularly on the first date. Ask about snacks. Food is also a factor in making a movie date a success. Make sure to ask her if she has food allergies or aversions. It is also a good idea to share a tub of popcorn for a more intimate experience, but make sure that she is okay with it. Pick out the date and time. It often depends on the movie you are going to watch. If you decide to choose the movie when you’re there at the movie theater, pick out the date and time most convenient for the both of you.

Pick her up or meet up? Volunteer to pick her up at her house, but be lenient also if she only wants to meet you at the theatre. Be sure to show up on time to make a good impression. Buy tickets ahead. For a popular movie, you may need to line up to buy tickets at the theater. If the option is available, but tickets online before going to the movies. You will save time and conveniently go directly inside to buy snacks. Dress appropriately. Overdressing to the movies will attract excessively attention and may be a great turn off for your date. Dress casually in a stylish outfit. Dress also in layers as movie houses tend to get too cold and you may need to offer your jacket to your date. Ensure that the inner layers also provide warmth so you can still feel comfortable until the end of the movie.

If the evening progresses well, you may take her to dinner. Look for a good spot beforehand so you can proceed there right after the movie. However, do not get disappointed if your date wants to go home directly afterwards. If it is appropriate, you’ll ask for another date. There are a bazillion smartphone apps to help you find a movie. Or you can use Google and get to business. Now, I’m from Dallas, so I’m probably going to search for a movie theatre in Dallas. Your mileage obviously varies depending on where you live (like obvi). Take your date out and remember, movies are really a good time. Just don’t go taking your date to see something like Hotel Rwanda. Such a bad choice, btw. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details, Dating & Relationships, Tips & Advice Most people have more than one relationship before finding the right person for them. Oftentimes, the gap between these relationships varies from just a few days to several years for some. The length of time from one relationship to another often depends on perhaps the person has already moved on and gotten over the previous relationship.

Although it is ideal that there is nothing left from the previous relationship, this is not always the case. Unfortunately, relationships that come right on the heels of the previous one are not uncommon. These relationships are often referred to as rebound relationships as they are like rebounds from the previous relationships. There are many possible reasons why rebound relationships happen such as being used for distraction, the pheromones in men, eagerness to start a new relationship, the pheromone advantage, and many more. Rebound relationships have several drawbacks but it does not necessarily mean that these kinds of relationships do not work out.